If You Can't Live Without Me
by InsenseFraise
Summary: Prussia and Belgium Alice  had been in a relationship, and all seemed to be going well, but at the wake of WWI, Gilbert's own ambitions led him to break his promise and invade Belgium. Since then, he hasn't spoken to Alice. Gilbert beneath the awesome.
1. Prologue

**This is my first fanfic, guys oAo... I'm scared. I know it's kinda sucky, but hey, it's my first time. Deal. **

**This was inspired by the marvelous song "If You Can't Live Without Me, Why Aren't You Dead Yet?" by Mayday Parade. And also, The Rape of Belgium. **

**Ah, A new view of Gilbert. It's is quite awesome. **

* * *

It was sometime around noon when Gilbert raised his head off the coffee table. Sleepily, he looked around him, trying to remember how he ended up in the living room again.

"Nice to see you awake, Bruder." He heard Ludwig say.

Ludwig was watching a soccer game on ESPN, some random English Premier League game that Gilbert could care less about.

"What happened?" He asked rubbing his eyes.

"You got drunk off your awesomeness." The younger brother responded. "The usual Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, and Saturday for you."

Gilbert scoffed. "I don't get drunk that often, and you know it!"

Ludwig slid his eyes off the screen and raised an eyebrow at the disheveled albino stumbling away from the coffee table before plopping down on the sofa. "It's been almost daily for the past century. The only reason you don't drink on Sundays it's because it's the Holy Day and because all the bars in the neighborhood are closed after four."

Gilbert sighed. It had been ninety-six years to be exact. But of course, that was only a number. A simple measure of time. It's not as if really mattered.

But ninety-six years ago, he'd been the complete 180 from where he is now. It was amazing how one person could complete his entire existence, and destroy it all together.

"Whatever." He muttered as he got back up again and shuffled his way to his bedroom."What's the date?"

"August 8th."

* * *

West didn't know the truth. And even if he did know how Gilbert felt, what difference would it make? Ludwig isn't the type of emotional person you could go to to pour your entire heart out. He would be even more confused on how to react than Gilbert himself. The only person he could trust with his feelings was the very woman who broke them apart with each thought he had of her.

Alice knew everything about him, but what good did it do now? She hated him. She hated his entire existence. It wasn't his fault. He never wanted to do it in the first place. Somehow he let his own ambitions hurt the only woman he'd ever loved more than himself.

"_You know I can't live without you, right?." she said as she kissed him on the cheek. _

_Gilbert laughed. "I'm sure if I died we'd all die from the lack of awesome."_

"_Your arrogance is both cute and annoying. I hope you know that." She smiled. _

The memory seemed to carve his heart up like a poisonous dagger.

_Bullshit. If you can't live without me, why aren't you dead yet?_


	2. Der Teufel und Der Engel

**Le Gasp! It is part zwei oAo!**

**I know Gilbert is so OOC, but hey, my fanfic, my destroying of his awesome. I wanted an emo Prussia for a change o3o... **

**Hopefully this clears up any plot holes from the last chapter...we are time traveling...96 years ago :). **

**I feel that this is crappier than the last D: Mfft. Whatever :/ **

* * *

_August 8th 1914_

_Scheisse, scheisse, scheisse! _

The warm summer wind lashed bitterly against his skin as he ran across the battlefield with no final destination in mind. He simply knew that he had to find her, even if that meant running through flying bullets and hand grenades.

He clutched his left shoulder where a bullet had wedged itself stubbornly and profusely, sending sharp jabs of pain throughout the left side of his body. But he didn't care. Finding Alice was the most important thing at the moment.

_Goddammit! _He cursed as he fought back the stinging tears that filled his eyes.

"Dammit, Gilbert! Where the hell do you think you are going!" His younger brother called from the trenches.

Gilbert ignored him. Fuck it all. Why did he even agree to this? Was his own pride worth hurting the only person to truly love him? Was his ambition greater than his love for Alice? Were pride, honor, and glory worth breaking a promise to someone you loved?

_No, no temporary honor is worth breaking a promise. _

_Of course it is, jackass. Promises are meant to be broken. How do you know she loves you anyway? You've never been loved in your life. How could you possibly know what it's like to love? _

_You trust her. You know she doesn't go back on a promise. Unlike you. You are immoral. Flawed. She's perfect. You can't possibly doubt her. _

_Fuck it all. What do you know about perfection? You aren't perfect. Ludwig isn't perfect. Nobody is. Not even her. Look at your wrists. The pink scars and the old rusty scabs are proof you aren't perfect. You do this to yourself because you can't stand to see the perfect unmarred skin. You think that because you aren't perfect, your wrists shouldn't be perfect either. _

_You are fucked up. You are a mess. You need her and you know it. _

Another bullet made straight impact with his right kidney. He doubled over coughing up crimson ribbons of blood, but promptly dismissed it as being unimportant. Someone else was more hurt than he was. There was no time for him to whine about his own injuries. They weren't important at all. Especially when the other person's injuries were his own fault.

Gilbert kept running as fast as his body would allow him to. He saw the remains of a burnt down Belgian village and picked up his pace. He was almost there. He could sense her presence.

Desperately, he called for Alice, but no one answered. Even more frantically, he went around all the small houses and burst every single door open. She was there, somewhere. He knew it.

Gilbert stood before a house that was far more battered than the rest. The walls and windows had large gaping holes on the sides from bullets that were shot from both the inside and the outside of the home. After he kicked the door down, he saw that the interior was splattered with both dried and fresh blood. The entire floor smelled like death.

For a second the house seemed empty, until he saw a something, or rather someone, lying on the living room floor. A woman. Her short blond hair was caked in dried blood, some of it hers, some of it someone else's. She was wearing a tattered sun-dress stained with rusty blotches. Her breathing was shallow.

Gilbert felt his eyes widen.

"Alice!" He shouted.

He wasn't running anymore, his knees were weak and he was breathing heavily now. In his mind, that meant he wasn't going to remain conscious much longer. Each step he took faltered more than the last one, but he managed to make it to her side.

Alice wasn't Alice anymore. She was simply a barely breathing lump smothered in blood. The vibrant gleam that gave her bright green eyes a certain vigor was replaced by a murky cloud making them look like death had taken it away from her. She was covered in red splotches from her face, right down to in between her legs. Gilbert noticed that she has been more than just wounded.

"Go away." Alice rasped.

He knew she hated him. "I'm sorry,"

" I don't care. I don't want to see you again." _Warum bist du ueberhaupt noch hier? _

With an overwhelming sense of guilt, he picked her up and held her against his chest. "I'm sorry..." He mumbled as the acid tears that he had fought to keep back spilled from his eyes. "I'm sorry." Her pulse slowed down even more. "Who did this?"

"You did."

His eyes widened at the accusation. He did this? He beat her, raped her, and-

_Your army did this. That means you gave them the order. You really did this to her._

The tears rolled down his cheeks faster than before. He had never cried in his life. Not when he was hurt in battle. Not when his grandfather died. Not when his mother died. Not when his father died. So why was he breaking down now?

"I didn't mean-"

"Shut up. I don't wanna hear you anymore!" She cried, black, dirty tears rolling down her cheeks as well. "You don't mean it. You are just a cheating, lying bastard. Just like every other man!"

Startled, he put her back down gently.

"Fine. Let me just get you some help before I leave and I pro-" he stopped. He couldn't make promises anymore. Especially after the one he just broke. "you'll never see me again."

"Don't bother."

"I can't watch you die."

"You already killed me."

"You are a cruel woman." _Du bringst mich um mit jedem Wort. Ich hasse dass ich dich liebe._

"You are a cruel man."

"You love to destroy me, don't you? That's what makes you cruel."

"I hate you."

" I know you do." He got up and made his way towards the door. His wounds didn't even hurt anymore.

" Just remember these words. They are the last you'll ever hear from me. _Ich hasse mich genauso wie ich liebe dich. Und ich liebe dich viel."_

Staggering out the front door, he silently cursed himself.

_Stupid, stupid, stupid! She hates you. Why would you even tell her that? _

_Because you really do love her. _

He carried her to her army's camp, ignoring the soldier's questions, simply telling the doctor to treat her wounds, and as soon as that was done, he retreated back to his own camp, despite a few protests begging him to stay to get his own wounds treated. Why they wanted to treat their enemy's wounds, he didn't know, but either way he staggered back to his own camp. As soon as he reached the camp's his body gave way, and he collapsed.

* * *

**TRANSLATIONS :D! **

_Scheisse, scheisse, scheisse!: _Shit,shit, shit! Keep in mind, while scheisse is literally shit, in German, it is pretty much the equivalent of saying "Dammit!"

_Warum bist du ueberhaupt noch hier? _Why are you even here at all?

_Du bringst mich um mit jedem Wort. Ich hasse dass ich dich liebe. _ You kill me with every word. I hate that I love you.

_Ich hasse mich genauso wie ich liebe dich. Und ich liebe dich viel. _I hate myself as much as I love you, and I love you a lot.

**A/N: Kinda cheesy, neh? o3o Ah, well, I am just an amateur writer anyhoo. **

_My god, I suck at romance and angst _xD.


End file.
